Accept your feelings… they’re valid
It’s really common for those caring for people with dementia to feel:
Guilt
Despair
Frustration
Anger
Grief
Fear
Exhaustion
Shame
If you’re feeling these things, acknowledge and accept them and know that they do not make you a bad person. You’re a normal person coping under exceptionally demanding circumstances.
What helps: It might help to talk to other carers and former carers who totally understand what you’re experiencing. Chat with others in our online forum here
You can also contact organisations like Carers UK for support – call 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm (including Bank Holidays).
Cut yourself some slack
Some people beat themselves up mentally, feeling like a failure for not always doing things a certain way, comparing themselves to other carers, ruminating on issues when things go awry or feeling bad for experiencing negative feelings.
Don’t make things harder than they already are. Know that you’re doing the very best you can with what you’ve got and ask for help when you need it.
What helps: Manage your feelings by writing them down. Try to figure out what’s going on for you – has anything changed? Are there things you could ask for support with? Are you trying to be ‘perfect’ in some way? Is this helpful? Are you looking after your general health? Is this a sign that you need a break?
Be realistic
Sometimes people experience mental health difficulties when the person they’re caring for has fast-changing needs. For others, it can be challenging to cope if the relationship with the person with dementia was difficult or complex to begin with.
There are many reasons for people to find caring emotionally draining or difficult to navigate, but know that you are doing your best under exceptionally hard circumstances.
What helps: Don’t compare yourself with other carers – everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. Focus on what you can – and are – doing. And give yourself a pat on the back. Set priorities: what’s really important right now, and what’s a ‘nice to have’ in terms of care. Don’t set the bar ridiculously high for yourself. Seek help from others.
Who to contact if you’re struggling to cope
Your GP can help if you’re finding it difficult to cope and might be able to signpost you to other support in your area. If you feel at crisis point, call 999.
Samaritans are available around the clock on 116 123 as a compassionate listening ear for carers who are finding life difficult or who feel in crisis.
Mind offer free counselling and online advice for those who need help with their mental health. Go to mind.org.uk for more information
–Find ways to improve your wellbeing as a carer here
–Look for activities for carers in your area here